Fractured Fairy Tale
by Red Witch
Summary: Another Po artifact has been discovered. And this time it causes even more insanity than usual! Beware folks of a fairy tale gone nuts.


**Po mutants have taken off with the disclaimer saying that I don't own Galaxy Ranger Characters. The following tale is full of demented character torture, bizarre circumstances and cross dressing aliens. I admit it. I have gone mad with this one…**

**Fractured Fairy Tale**

It all started when Zach Jr., Jessica and the Kiwi Kids were at BETA Mountain waiting for their families to return from a mission. It wasn't long before they returned. "Dad! Over here!" Zach Jr. waved to his father.

"Uncle Zozo! Uncle Zozo! Waldo!" The Kiwi Kids chirped as they ran to meet their uncle and their good friend.

"Kids! Come back!" Buzzwang ran after them.

The Rangers met up with them along with Zozo and Waldo. On a motorized platform there was a strange purple tablet on it. "Hey Kids!" Zach hugged his children.

"Dad! It's great that you're back from another mission!" Jessica hugged her father.

"Some mission," Shane snorted. "It was a piece of cake."

"For once," Zach sighed.

"So what is that?" Jessica pointed to the tablet.

"We believe it is some artifact from the Po Mutant Empire," Waldo explained. "Very rare and very valuable."

"Last we heard every thief in the galaxy was after it," Zach said.

"It was weird," Doc said. "When we got to the location no one was there. But their starships were right outside."

"Yeah well if it's anything like any other Po Mutant artifact we've come across I wouldn't be surprised if it did something to 'em," Shane grunted.

"Pretty…" Swee's eyes were big and she edged closer to it.

"Don't touch Swee," Zozo stopped her. "We don't know what this thing does."

"Niko, can you use your psychic powers to figure out what it does?" Waldo asked.

"I sense something about this artifact but I can't…" Niko began.

"HELLO GOOSIE!" A happy voice shrieked out. Bubblehead flew straight towards them.

"Oh no…" Shane groaned. "How did he get **out?"**

"Gooseman!" Commander Walsh snapped as he stormed up to them. "Your stupid memory bird has been driving me crazy all day!"

"Hi ya Goose! What's cooking?" Bubblehead hopped on Shane's head.

"Memory Bird Stew if you don't…" Shane gave him a look.

"Ooh! Shiny thing!" Bubblehead saw the tablet. He flew down and landed on it. "How does it work!" He started to peck at it.

"NO! BUBBLEHEAD! DON'T…." Niko shouted. But it was too late. The entire group vanished in a flash of light. Only the tablet remained, glowing in the hanger.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**Come listen my children and you will hear a tale of old. A tale from the early days before the Po Empire was formed. A tale of daring deeds and heroics…**

"What is going **on **here?" Niko stood up. She was dressed in a green and purple outfit with a strange looking set of bow and arrows. She looked around and found herself in a strange forest.

"Beats me," Zach grumbled. He was wearing a brown and green outfit and carrying a sword. "And what the heck am I wearing?"

"I don't know but I like mine," Jessica was wearing a pink tunic and leggings and carrying a staff.

"This pretty weird even for us," Zach Jr. admitted. He was wearing a brown tunic and green leggings. He was also carrying a staff. "I look like one of Robin Hood's merry men!"

"That must make me Friar Tuck," Waldo grumbled. He was wearing a long blue robe that very much resembled a druid priest's outfit.

"We're all playing dress up!" Swee chirped. She and her brothers and Zozo were wearing colorful green and blue outfits. The boys had toy swords and Swee had a toy bow and arrow. While Zozo had a sword of his own.

"Where's everyone else?" Zozo looked around. "And where are we?"

"In some weird forest glen," Nimrod the Cat strode out. He was wearing a multi colored set of tights and tunic with a red cap that had a bell on it. He was carrying a mandolin type instrument. "How long we have been here I don't know when."

"Nimrod!" Zach snapped. "What are you doing here?"

"The same as you," Nimrod gave him a look. "I got trapped in this artifact this is true! The last thing I remember is trying to beat Captain Kidd to the Poe artifact and the next thing I know I'm wandering around in a forest dressed like reject from a Renaissance Fair on acid!"

"Captain Kidd is here too?" Zach groaned.

"Along with Brappo, some of the Black Hole Gang," Nimrod counted off. "Daisy O'Mega, Jackie Subtract and some of his gang, Mogul and his apprentice…"

"Oh this is just **perfect!**" Niko rolled her eyes. "But where's Doc and Goose?"

"And Commander Walsh?" Zach Jr. asked.

"Don't forget Buzzwang and Bubblehead," Jessica remarked.

"I wish I **could**," Zach grumbled.

"I fear I am trapped in this nightmare as well," Peters, Brappo's servant appeared wearing a long brown coat and a brown tunic. He carried a large staff.

**All right! Now that all the characters are set up we can begin! **A female voice spoke over them. **Long ago before…**

"Holt it!" Zach snapped. "Who are you? Show yourself!"

**Me? I'm the narrator of this story.**

"Story?" Niko blinked.

**Yes, this is how the Po Mutants tell their stories. We don't just read stories, we live them! **

"Are you telling us that this artifact is actually a book?" Waldo asked.

**Yeah. It's one of the more popular tales of Po literature. Featuring the legendary mutant bandit queen Kia Nie! **

"She must be the Po Mutant version of Robin Hood," Zach remarked.

"And I'm her right?" Niko sighed.

**Bingo! Now long ago…**

"Wait a minute!" Zach interrupted again.

**For crying out loud! What's the matter now? **

"We'd like to get out of here! That's what's the matter!" Zach snapped.

**Oh come on! It's been centuries since I've done my job! I mean, I'm storybook. I tell a story. It's what I do. I tell stories, therefore I am. No matter how insane and stupid they are.**

"Sounds like a fan fiction writer hopped up on caffeine," Nimrod quipped.

**Double expresso Po-cachinos. How did you know? **

"Lucky guess," Nimrod moaned.

"Where are our friends?" Waldo asked. "What have you done with them?"

**They're all characters of the story. You'll meet up with them all. This is only a story you know? It's not like they're going to get killed or anything. Look this is how it works. I tell the story, give you guys a few telepathic prompts on your lines after the story you all leave. Simple! What could go wrong?**

"You don't know these people very well," Nimrod rolled his eyes.

"Wow we're inside a real story!" Swee chirped happily.

"Dad why don't we just play along?" Jessica suggested.

"Yeah it seems like the only way we can find the others," Zach Jr. nodded.

"It does seem to be the sensible solution, Mister Ranger," Peters agreed.

**Look the sooner I tell this story the sooner you all get out. Deal?**

"Do we have a choice?" Zach groaned.

**No! Okay! Places people! The story of Kia Nie and the Rescue of the Swan Prince.**

"Swan Prince?" Nimrod chuckled. "Three guesses who's playing **that** part!"

"Just shut up and play along," Niko glared at him.

"I am your singing servant my dear," Nimrod indicated his guitar like instrument.

"Let's just get this over with," Zach grumbled.

**All right! Once again! Long ago, in the days before the Po Empire was formed, when the Po Mutants lived in scattered clans and kingdoms on the wild planet of Nador. It was time of great hardship and fear of the Norms that hunted them and enslaved them. But there was a warrior that gave the people hope! The Po Mutant Bandit Queen Kia Nie and her band of warriors. They robbed from the rich Norms…**

"Well **this** is humiliating…" Jackie Subtract moaned as he and his men were surrounded by Niko and her band stealing gold from them.

"This is not exactly a thrill for us either," Waldo sniffed.

Little Joe happily whacked Jackie Subtract with his sword on his knee. "OW! OW! OW!" Subtract hopped around on one foot.

"Perhaps I spoke too soon," Waldo coughed. "This is **slightly** amusing."

**And they spent it on themselves and fun parties! **

"Maybe she's not **exactly** like Robin Hood," Niko blinked as they found themselves sitting around a table drinking fruit punch. The Kiwi Kids were dancing around while Waldo and Peters were playing darts.

**Yes Kia Nie and her band of friendly felons would dance, play games and drink fruit punch way into the wee hours of the morning. **

"Fruit Punch?" Zozo blinked.

**This is a children's story! Deal with it! One day Kia Nie and her band were summoned to the kingdom of the Bird Mutants by the king and queen.**

"Hello Nurse!" Bubblehead chirped from on his throne. He was wearing a crown.

"**Bubblehead** is the king?" Zach shouted. "Now I **know** this story's warped!"

"You have no idea…" Captain Kidd stormed in wearing a purple gown, headdress and a crown. "This is embarrassing!"

"Actually I think that outfit is quite slimming on you!" Bubblehead chirped.

"You want to be shot out of a garbage disposal **again?"** Kidd snapped at him.

**Quit it with the ad libbing and get on with the script! **

"Okey Dokey Smokey Pokey!" Bubblehead chirped. "Yo Niko! I need your help here!"

**Her name is Kia Nie! Not Niko! **

"No it isn't," Bubblehead blinked.

**Yes it is!**

"No it's not!" Bubblehead said. "It's Niko."

"Bubblehead we're pretending," Niko explained.

"Pretending to be what?" Bubblehead asked.

"Okay let's save some time here," Zach held his head in his hand. "Look Narrator just call us by our real names. It'll be easier, **believe** me."

"Oh come on Captain," Nimrod said. "One must get into character and the spirit of the play!"

**That's right! Look at Song Singer Bumblebutt! He's got the right idea!**

"Bumblebutt?" Zozo giggled along with the children.

"On the other hand the Captain has a point," Nimrod gave the sky a harsh look.

**Oh all right! Bunch of picky little…As I was saying one day King Bubblehead of the Bird Mutants called in Niko and her gang to help him with a terrible problem.**

"Boy do I have a terrible problem," Bubblehead chirped. "I'm afraid to ask what it is."

"Oh boo hoo!" Kidd put on a sobbing performance. "It's our dear Prince Goose! He's been kidnapped by that terrible Queen of the Norms! Ohhhhh! My poor baby! Boo hoo hoo!"

"Let's not overdo it, Feather Brain," Bubblehead told him.

"It's called acting you bubble headed memory bird!" Kidd snapped.

"No, Shakespeare in the Park is acting," Bubblehead pointed out. "You're just hamming it up!"

"You want to be de-throned?" Kidd shook his fist. "How did you get into this story anyway?"

"He's the one who activated it at BETA Mountain," Zozo explained. "He's Goose's pet now."

"The man has my complete and utmost sympathy," Kidd said. "You guys better go rescue Goose. The man has to deal with **enough** torture in his life!"

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Bubblehead chirped. He then flew up and pecked Kidd on the head. "Off with your head!"

"That's it!" Kidd started to chase Bubblehead around. "Come back here you…"

"Okay I think we'd better be going now," Niko blinked.

"It's only going to get weirder from this point on isn't it?" Zach Jr. asked his father.

"I'm afraid so, Son," Zach sighed.

**Meanwhile in the castle of the evil Queen of the Norms, The Queen's sorcerer Larry was plotting!**

"HE! HE HE!" Larry danced around in a fancy purple robe and hat. "I'm plotting! I'm plotting!"

**With his bumbling assistant Mogul…**

"Oh **come on!"** Mogul snapped. He was wearing a colorful fool's uniform and hat. "This can't be happening!"

"Silence apprentice!" Larry snapped. "The queen approaches!"

"Enjoy this while you can, Larry!" Mogul snarled as he put his face next to Larry's. "Trust me once we get home…"

Larry responded by whacking Mogul on the head with his wand. "OW!" Mogul snapped.

"Just getting into character," Larry told him.

"You are getting into more than **that** you little…" Mogul rubbed his head.

"Here comes the Queen!" Larry interrupted smugly.

"Ha ha ha ha!" The 'Queen' strode into the room. It was actually Buzzwang wearing the same outfit the Queen of the Crown usually wore.

"Oh this is just **insane**," Mogul slapped one of his hands on his face.

"Actually I'm quite happy," Buzzwang remarked. "I never get to play the villain. This should expand my acting repertoire."

"Never play the villain, huh?" Mogul groaned. "And yet for some reason everybody **hates** you…"

**Can we get on with this? **

"Oh right, sorry!" Buzzwang apologized. Then he adopted a falsetto voice. "Now that I have Prince Gooseman the trap is set! The Bird Kingdom will be mine!"

"But what about that pesky Niko and her band of merry…people?" Mogul asked.

"Not to worry foolish apprentice," Larry puffed up his chest. "I will send several demons out to protect the castle as well as many challenges to thwart her!" He waved his hands and summoned several demons.

However the demons were drinking tea. "We told you Mogul we ain't doing anything until we get a better contract!" One of them snapped.

"Mogul didn't summon you. I did," Larry said.

"Doesn't matter Larry, you're still management," Another demon calmly sipped his tea.

"Uh what's going on?" Buzzwang asked.

"I'm having a little union trouble," Mogul sighed. "Every century I have to deal with contract negotiations. It's a real bother."

"Demons we kind of need your help," Larry said. "If we don't play along we'll be stuck in this dimension."

"So? We demons are always getting stuck in weird dimensions," The first demon said.

"Yeah nothing new to us," Another demon said. "But I gotta admit I think that robot looks better in that outfit than the Queen of the Crown."

"Really? You think so?" Buzzwang modeled it.

"Oh yeah it's much more slimming," The second demon agreed. "And the color complements you."

"I was thinking of something blue and white but this is rather fetching on me," Buzzwang said. "Actually I saw some outfits in the closet back there that would look nice on you guys."

"Ooh! Do you have anything in leather?" A third demon asked.

"I don't know, let's go find out!" Buzzwang suggested.

"Excuse me! Don't you think we should deal with our little situation first before we put on a fashion show?" Mogul shouted.

"Well you two are the sorcerers, deal with it," The third demon said.

"Yeah what he said," Buzzwang agreed. "Now I saw this nice cape that would bring out the green in your scales…" He and the demons went off to try some outfits on.

"What do we do now?" Larry blinked.

"Don't look at me, **master sorcerer**," Mogul said sarcastically. "I'm only a lowly apprentice**, remember?"**

"Uh Narrator?" Larry coughed. "A little help here?"

**Just pretend to cast a spell and I'll send someone else out there! **

"Ooh good idea!" Larry waved his fingers. "Zimmel zammel, hummer hammel thirty one flavors!" Immediately a huge ice cream cone appeared in his hand. "Ooh! Look! I made some ice cream!"

"Give me that!" Mogul grabbed the ice cream and stuck it on Larry's head.

**Uh let's cut back to Niko and the gang now shall we?**

Niko and the others were in the woods. "Wow, being able to telepathically see what's going on in the other scenes is pretty weird," Zozo remarked.

"Not half as weird as seeing Buzzwang dressed as the Queen of the Crown," Zach Jr. remarked.

"I have to admit that he does look better in the outfit than she does," Waldo said.

"Can we just get on with this so we can get **out **of here?" Zach asked. "This is without a doubt one of the **dumbest** things that has ever happened to me since I joined the Rangers."

"**One **of the dumbest?" Nimrod blinked.

"Remember the Battle of the Bands?" Zach gave him a look.

"Oh right," Nimrod nodded. "That was kind of silly wasn't it?"

"I thought it was a lot of fun," Niko said.

"Maybe for you," Jessica groaned. "You didn't have your teachers drooling over your dad!"

**As I was saying, Niko and her band wandered through the treacherous forest of Nador when they encountered a terrible demon troll!**

"I do this under protest!" Brappo stormed out of the forest. He was wearing a costume covered in fur that covered everything but his face. "This is not even a proper demon troll outfit! This is a bear outfit! And it is not even a good bear outfit! Look at the stitching on this thing? Who sewed it together? Blind dwarves with only three fingers on each hand? And the fabric is not the best quality! This is clearly a cheap knock off of…"

**Just then the brave Peters attacked and beat up the demon troll! **

"WHAT?" Brappo yelled. "YOU WOULDN'T DARE!"

"I'm sorry, Sir," Peters made a slight grin as he whacked him hard. "But this is part of the story and one must play one's part in it." He whacked him again with his staff.

"THAT IS IT!" Brappo screamed as he ran from Peters. "FROM NOW ON NO MORE PO ARTIFACTS! I AM SWEARING OFF THESE THINGS!"

**Peters chased the evil demon troll so far the demon fell off a cliff…**

"YEOW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Brappo screamed as he fell down a cliff.

**And into a raging river full of sharp rocks…**

"AAAH! OW! GLUG! GLUG!" Brappo was tossed in the river and hit several rocks.

**Fell over a waterfall into a very thorny briar patch…**

"YEWOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"

**And was attacked by angry Beaver Bears with very sharp teeth…**

"Beaver Bears?" Brappo moaned. Several very large bears with big beaver buck teeth attacked him. "YEWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Oh dear," Waldo winced. "That looks painful…"

"Uh he's not gonna die is he?" Zach Jr. asked.

**Oh don't worry kids, nobody dies in this story. They all just get very bad boo boos! See…**

"Mommy…I don't want to play anymore…" Brappo was covered in bandages lying down.

"Aw nuts," Little Joe snapped his fingers.

**Unfortunately poor Peters ran so far chasing the demon troll that he became lost and spent several weeks at a four star hotel by the pool before anyone found him.**

**  
**"I must admit I quite enjoy **this** story," Peters grinned as he lay by the pool wearing a flowery Hawaiian shirt and trunks drinking a fancy fruit punch drink.

**Back in the forest…**

"This story is warped beyond belief," Zach groaned.

"Let's just keep going," Niko suggested. They walked deeper into the forest.

"Dad, I know you wanted to spend more time with us but this isn't exactly what I had in mind," Jessica told her father.

"Me neither," Zach agreed.

"Think of this as an adventure," Zach Jr. said helpfully. "Maybe one day we'll look back on this and laugh about it?"

"I highly doubt it," Waldo grumbled. "Is it me or is it getting quite foggy?"

"Yeah it's coming up pretty fast," Jessica noticed. It started to get foggy all around them.

**Soon Niko and her band were lost in a dark dismal enchanted fog that was sent by the wicked sorcerer Larry.**

The scene cut back to Larry who was modeling a new red cape. "You know I think this cape suits me!"

"Oh yeah! It's so slimming!" The demons agreed. They were all wearing new clothes and modeling them with Buzzwang. "Very nice Larry."

"Great choice for an evil sorcerer Narrator!" Mogul said sarcastically.

**Well it was supposed to be sent by Larry…Oh never mind. They're all lost in a fog!**

"They're not the only ones!" Mogul shouted. "Larry's brain has been in a fog for **years!"**

**Anyway…Niko's band was lost in a terrifying fog!**

"It's not that scary!" Swee called out.

"It feels quite nice on my face," Nimrod said. "Almost moisturizing in a way."

**It's a terrifying fog! Just when all seemed lost…A fairy appeared before them to guide their way.**

"Howdy Do everyone!" Pathfinder appeared twinkling before them.

"I think we're about to find Doc," Zach Jr. remarked.

"Follow me guys!" Pathfinder told them.

**So Niko and her band followed the helpful fairy to the castle of the Fairy King and Queen. **

"I knew I was destined for greatness but this is a bit much," Doc was on a throne wearing a fancy blue and silver outfit and a silver crown. The throne room was covered in flowers and trees and looked like it was in the middle of a large forest.

"Why am I stuck with **you?"** Daisy O'Mega snapped. She was wearing a bright green dress and a gold crown. "I'm a better candidate to be the bandit queen! Not **her!**" She pointed at Niko.

"This is not exactly my idea of a perfect marriage either," Doc gave her a look.

"She just wants to kiss Goose!" Bubblehead flew in. The Kiwi kids snickered at this. Daisy glared at the memory bird.

**What are you doing here Bubblehead?**

"I got bored," Bubblehead told her. "And I miss Goose. And I wanted Captain Kidd to miss me! Particularly when he's throwing stuff at my head!"

**You're not supposed to be here! You're not in this part of the story!**

"Like that makes a difference to him?" Doc smirked.

"Hey you're royalty too!" Bubblehead flew over to Doc.

"More like a royal pain in the…" Daisy growled.

"I **love** what you've done to your throne room," Bubblehead chirped. "You can tell Daisy had nothing to do with it!"

"How did this stupid sack of feathers get in here in the first place?" Daisy yelled.

"He activated the story at BETA," Doc explained. "He's Goose's pet now."

"The poor man," Daisy shook her head. "What he doesn't have **enough** problems in his life? Whose stupid idea was that?"

"Doc's," Bubblehead said cheerfully.

"I might have known," Daisy gave him a look.

"Let's just get **on** with this so we can get out of here!" Zach groaned.

"Fine," Doc shrugged. "Look we know you want to rescue Goose so we want to help. I can send you a guide to the shortest way to the castle. Okay Walsh come on out!"

"I am **not **coming out," They heard Walsh groan from behind a bush.

"Commander we have to play along," Zach told him.

"No, we **don't!**" Walsh snapped. "I'm **not** doing this!"

"Commander, please," Niko asked. "The sooner we do this the sooner we get out of here and back into the real world."

"Just a word of warning…" Walsh growled. "If anyone so much as **giggles **at my predicament…"

"Yeah like **we're** going to judge!" Nimrod indicated his costume. "It can't be that bad!"

"Wanna bet?" A very large green frog with a mustache hopped out. "Remind me to **kill** Bubblehead later…"Walsh groaned.

"Froggy! Froggy!" The Kiwi Kids squealed as they crawled on top of him. "Giddyap Froggy!"

"I am not a **taxi service!"** Walsh snapped. "Get off of me!"

"Now Walsh be nice to the kids," Doc grinned.

"I don't know why I should just let her handle this?" Daisy glared at Niko.

"Gee why shouldn't we let a psychotic trigger happy lunatic handle a rescue mission?" Nimrod snickered.

"You want your fur shaved off?" Daisy glared at him. "Mark my words Niko, Daisy O'Mega always gets what she's after."

"Goose isn't a trophy you…" Niko fumed.

"Oh but we all know he's a prize worth fighting for," Daisy purred maliciously. "And he'd prefer a real woman over a timid mouse like you."

"It ain't **your** name Goose is calling out in his sleep at night lady!" Bubblehead chirped. "Trust me, I know."

"THAT'S IT!" Daisy grabbed a large mace nearby. "I MAY NOT HAVE MY BLASTERS BUT I CAN STILL CROWN THE LOT OF YOU!"

"Oh my I think it's time for us to leave now!" Waldo wisely started to move very quickly towards the entrance.

"Good idea!" Zach grabbed Niko. "Come on!"

"If you think I'm going to let that witch…" Niko protested.

"Just run!" Zach shouted. "Or Commander in your case…hop!"

"This is humiliating beyond belief!" Commander Walsh hopped away with the Kiwi Kids on his back.

"Hello we must be going!" Bubblehead flew off with them.

"Wait for me! I'm coming with you!" Doc ran after them.

**You're not supposed to go off with them! **

"There's no way I'm staying **here!"** Doc shouted as Daisy started throwing things at them.

**This is the most insane group of idiots I've ever narrated this story for! **

**Back at the castle the Queen was plotting…**

"Now I think if we take in the sleeves a little this will actually fit you perfectly…" Buzzwang was fitting an outfit on a demon.

**Plotting ways to update the demons' wardrobe…**

**Okay back to Niko's group. They made their way through the forest when suddenly they encountered a group of soldiers that worked for the Queen!**

"Here we go…" MaCross groaned as he stood there with the Black Hole Gang in armor.

**They engaged the soldiers in a fierce and terrifying battle! **

"Oh no, no no no!" MaCross raised his hands. "I'm not an idiot! I know what happens to the bad guys in this story! Uh uh! No way am I going to fight you! You want to pass, go right ahead!"

"You're just going to let us through without a fight?" Zach Jr. asked.

"How stupid do you think we are?" MaCross snapped. "This is a kid's fairy tale! We know how these things go!"

"Yeah the bad guys always get it in the end!" A hulking Black Hole Gang member shouted.

"Funny you can't figure that out in **real life**," Doc smirked.

"Yeah well the odds are a lot better out there than they are in here!" MaCross shouted. "So go right ahead! We're just going to stand aside!"

**The soldiers attacked the group! **

"Forget it, Lady," A weird alien member snapped. "Not gonna happen."

**The soldiers are going to fight fiercely! **

"NO WE'RE NOT!" MaCross shouted at the sky.

**Yes you are!**

"No, we're not!" MaCross snapped.

**YES, YOU ARE!**

"NO WE'RE NOT!" The Black Hole Gang shouted.

**Fight or else!**

"Or else **what?**" MaCross sneered.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

A bolt of lightning hit from the sky and zapped the Black Hole Gang. "Well…maybe a small skirmish wouldn't hurt…" MaCross coughed, his entire body blackened and charred with soot.

"This tale is kind of violent isn't it?" Waldo blinked.

"Well it is a children's story," Nimrod shrugged.

"Okay…" MaCross staggered. "We don't have to fight too hard…Just wave your swords around and…"

**And then, when things looked really bad for Niko and her band, the great giant Squeegee came to help them!**

"Oh no…" MaCross moaned as a giant Squeegee appeared.

"So that's what happened to the fuzz ball," Bubblehead chirped.

"AAAHHHH!" The Black Hole Gang screamed and ran around as Squeegee either stepped on them or tried to eat them.

"Booty?" Squeegee asked.

"I think it's fair to say we won this battle," Waldo said. "Such as it was."

"And the castle's right over there," Doc pointed to a large castle. "How convenient."

**So Niko and her band stormed the castle where they cornered the evil Queen, the sorcerer and their minions…**

"I am so fabulous!" Larry strutted around in a gold and purple outfit.

"Style!" A demon strutted with a black and red outfit.

"Vogue!" Another demon struck a pose in a blue and pink outfit with feathers attached.

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" Mogul posed around in a white zoot suit with a panama hat.

**Holding a fashion show?!?!**

"Oh hi Niko!" Buzzwang waved. He was still wearing the Queen of the Crown costume. "Glad you could make it! You wouldn't believe the outfits they have here!"

"Uhhh yeah…" Niko blinked. "Buzzwang could you give us Goose back?"

"Oh sure he's right down the hall to the…" Buzzwang pointed.

**But the Queen refused to give up the prince without a fight! **

"I don't?" Buzzwang blinked. "Oh my…"

"This should be good," One demon sat down.

"Yeah I'll watch this," Mogul agreed.

"Uh look instead of fighting couldn't we just have a contest or something?" Buzzwang gulped. "Something not so violent?"

"What are you scared of her or something?" Mogul asked.

"Yes," Buzzwang told him.

"Just checking," Mogul sighed.

**Look the story goes that you fight her, so you fight her!**

"But there are impressionable children here!" Buzzwang pointed out. "That's not a very good example we're setting."

"We don't mind," Jessica shrugged.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" The Kiwi Kids chanted.

"No! No! We don't want to fight!" Buzzwang held his hands up.

"Oh just zap him narrator like you did with the Black Hole Gang!" Mogul shouted.

**I can't. I can only zap villains and even though technically Buzzwang is dressed like a villain he's acting like a hero which is really confusing my programming here…**

"How about this?" Daisy burst into the castle. "I'll fight the android and rescue Goose! Or better yet I'll take over the queen's role and fight her myself!"

"You are aware that you are supposed to lose right?" Buzzwang gulped.

"Wrong! I'm taking over this story and rewriting it!" Daisy shouted.

"Oh no you don't!" Zach blocked her way.

"Yeah this story is screwed up enough as it is!" Doc agreed.

"DIE!" Daisy attacked with fervor.

"You'd better run and rescue Goose, Niko," Zach shouted. "Even with my bionic strength I can't hold her off!"

"AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING?" Doc screamed at Larry and the demons as Daisy hit him repeatedly.

"And ruin our outfits?" Larry asked.

"I'd better go and get this over with," Niko groaned. "Or else we'll be stuck inside this mess forever!" She ran off to find Shane.

She found him lying in state on a glass pedestal. He was wearing a gold and white prince's uniform with a circlet crown on his head. He seemed to be asleep. "Goose?"

**There Niko found the prince sound asleep under an enchanted spell. With a kiss she woke him up.**

"Kiss?" Niko blinked.

"Come on Niko! Pucker up!" Bubblehead landed on her shoulder.

"Kiss him! Kiss him!" The Kiwi Kids giggled as they had followed him.

Along with everyone else. "Now this I have got to see," Doc snickered.

"No! NO! NO!" Daisy shouted as she was restrained over Zach's shoulder.

"Hurry up and kiss him Niko! My shoulder can't take much more of this!" Zach groaned.

"This is so sweet," Buzzwang twittered.

"I should have brought a camera," Zozo said.

"I can make one appear if you like," Mogul suggested.

"Forget it you perverts!" Shane sat up rapidly. "Show's over!"

"Come on! We're just getting to the good part!" Jessica said.

Suddenly the roof of the castle creaked then broke open. "Now what?" Zach groaned.

**Don't look at me, this isn't part of the story! **

"BOOTY!" Squeegee chirped as he fumbled around with one paw. Something was on his shoulder. That something was a familiar space pirate.

"HELP! SQUEEGEE PUT ME DOWN!" Kidd, still dressed like at queen was being carried off by his pet. "HELP! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!"

"Well if you insist," Larry shrugged. "Dooby dooby do zama lama rama ding dong day!"

A purple mist appeared and before anyone could react Bubblehead grew to giant size. "Look at me! I'm so tall! I'm so tall!" He cackled.

"Whoops," Larry blinked.

"Nice going oh supreme sorcerer!" Mogul whacked Larry on the head.

"Great now we got two giant critters that are going to fight each other!" Doc groaned.

"Says who?" Bubblehead asked. "Hey Fuzzy! What say we join forces and take over this joint!"

"Booty!" Squeegee squealed with delight and started wrecking everything in sight.

"HOW IS THIS HELPING ME?" Kidd screamed in terror.

**STOP IT! STOP IT! THIS STORY IS OFFICIALLY OUT OF CONTROL!**

"Officially? It was out of control long before **this** Sister!" Mogul snapped.

"I **told** you these people would screw it up," Nimrod called out.

**I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! YOU MORONS WANT OUT OF THE STORY? YOU GOT IT! AND STAY OUT! **

There was a bright flash and soon the Rangers and their friends found themselves back at BETA in their regular clothes. "Oh my head," Zach held it. "Hey we're back at BETA."

"But where are the bad guys?" Zozo asked. "I don't see them anywhere."

"I guess everyone else was sent back to where they were taken from," Shane looked around. "Makes about as much sense as **everything else** this day!"

"Maybe more…" Waldo sighed.

"Aww no more Froggy," Swee pouted.

"Be a froggy again!" Little Joe tugged at Walsh's leg.

"I'm going to write a new mandate banning all Po Artifacts from BETA…No wait, from the **entire **League of Planets!" Walsh shouted.

"I think I can convince the ambassadors from the League to support it," Waldo groaned.

"Wow, what a trip," Bubblehead blinked. "Let's go on it **again!"**

**"NO!"** Everyone shouted.

"That was the most **insane **thing that has ever happened…" Zach groaned then stopped. "No, that whole Battle of the Bands was still pretty nuts."


End file.
